Clever And Witty Quotes

Clever And Witty Quotes by Oscar Wilde, Fred Allen, Groucho Marx, Miguel de Cervantes, Paula Poundstone, Norman Cousins and many others.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a sing

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
Oscar Wilde
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.
Miguel de Cervantes
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the ‘Three Stooges’ were geniuses. They’d have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.
Paula Poundstone
Nixon’s motto was, if two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Norman Cousins
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford
The second mouse gets the cheese!
Terry Pratchett
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up
Paul Keating
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Roald Dahl
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.
Albert Einstein
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright