Dorothy Parker Quotes

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.