Funny And Witty Quotes

Funny And Witty Quotes by Groucho Marx, Oscar Wilde, Robert H. Schuller, Laurence J. Peter, Paul Keating, Sacha Guitry and many others.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
Oscar Wilde
Tough times never last, but tough people do.
Robert H. Schuller
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up
Paul Keating
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Roald Dahl
The second mouse gets the cheese!
Terry Pratchett
If at first you don’t succeed, then drag racing isn’t for you.
Christopher Titus
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
I am not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Robert Kennedy
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Carl Jung
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.
Robert Frost
Between funny and witty Falls the shadow
Stephen Fry
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
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