Funny New Years Resolution Quotes

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that.

Dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.

Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer.

New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday.

New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

Every new year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early!

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language And next year’s words await another voice.

From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It’s a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It’s just a few Jews walking around going, “sup?”

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.