Funny Wedding Advice Quotes

Funny Wedding Advice Quotes by Erma Bombeck, Cher, Billy Connolly, Sacha Guitry, Jean Kerr, Red Skelton and many others.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looki

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.
Jean Kerr
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always
Red Skelton
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Georg C. Lichtenberg
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.
Cass Daley
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
Minnie Pearl
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Groucho Marx
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Herbert V. Prochnow
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.
Joseph Campbell
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
H. L. Mencken
Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.
Joyce Brothers
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.
Simone Signoret