Witty One Liners Quotes by Earl Wilson, Terry Pratchett, William Faulkner, P. J. O’Rourke, Roald Dahl, Woody Allen and many others.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The second mouse gets the cheese!
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work stationвЂ¦.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
I am not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.